Lesson Learned

I have never been so relieved to be home from Church in one piece in my life. I hate the way I feel right now. Ashamed.

Today is Ash Wednesday. Hubby picked me up so that we could receive our ashes at the noon distribution. Rather than sit in our usual pew (7th row), we sat in the 2nd row. Typically on Ash Wednesday there are two readings, a Gospel reading, the blessing of the ashes, and finally the distribution of the ashes. Once you have received your ashes, you can leave. There is no closing prayer, no additional blessing. The closer you are to the front, the sooner you are on your way again.

Before the services began a young man took a seat in the 1st pew. I would venture to guess he was late teens or early twenties, clean shaven, olive complexion. He had on a hoodies, his hands thrust into his pockets. When he sat down, he put his feet up on the railing in front of him and looked around, feeling proud of himself. Hubby politely but firmly told him to respect the fact that he was in God’s house. He muttered something to the affect that we are all sinners, and hypocrites. He then took out his phone and began playing music videos in Spanish. I don’t know what the songs were but by the background music, I would guess Hymns of some kind. He turned up the volume, walked up to the steps leading to the altar; placed his phone on the top step, then returned to his seat. A tiny elderly Asian woman in the next pew over got up, retrieved the phone and sternly asked him to be quiet. She gave him a look. He took the phone and began walking around inside the church. We all kept an eye on him. You could see the fear on people’s faces. He muttered to himself, and finally left without incident before the blessing of the ashes. As we were leaving I saw him making his way toward the church from the parking lot. Except for the fact that he was disruptive, nothing violent happened. Yet we were all made to feel afraid.

Right now I am fighting back the tears. When this young man first sat down and had words with my husband about sinners, I clutched the Rosary in my hand and fixed my gaze at the crucifix above the altar. I prayed “Lord, please don’t let me die today.” As his disruptions continued, I looked around at the little babies in the arms of their mothers. I prayed again. “Lord, please don’t let these little ones be harmed.”

For a moment the fear seemed overwhelming. Then there was a sense of peace that mingled with fear. If I must die, what better place to be than here, in my Father’s House. I feel guilty and ashamed for ever allowing fear to seep into my heart.

Trust in the Lord in all things, and He will bring you peace.